The Bubble Theroy

This theroy, probably more than any other, need a visual. While I work on trting to get one- that will take a while- I will just leave you with my theroy to ponder. You see, we were talking in Humanities the other day about Motzart, and how he had such a sad life (as many great creative minds do) and created such perfectly sad music, but at the same time was able to create such exuberantly happy things. We started discussing if there was some connection between beauty and pain, and I think I have stumbled upon a sutible connection.
You see, we are all created in a sort of emotional bubble, (seriously, imagine a bubble-suspend it in something, and make it stretchy) and that is the realm of our emotion at that point. Now as we grow and experience things- such as fighting with a friend (at this point your friend is 5) we process that ("she's so mean! I never want to be friends with her again!" *sobbing*) and out emotional bubble is forced outward at one point- creating a buldge in the bubble that is deepr in the total relm of emotion. Now instead of this bulge simply being forced back inwards, the rest of the bubble expans (slowly) to meet it, so that your relm of experience is larger. Now the same events can force the bubble to expand differently (such as when you are 16 and fight with a friend, and it is not nearly as devistating as when you were 5- now it creates a smaller bulge). Some things (like death) will always be devistating, and thus will always force the bubble way outwards, and may intensify the bulges caused by other events that you precieve the same way.
Now since your bubble expands with everything that happens to you, when you stand at the edge out your bubble- forced there by a good or bad event- you can see a much greater and more acurate picture of life and the realm of emotion that you are familiar with. This you can better replicate or describe it.
This is why Motzart could create such music. His life had forced his emotional bubble to from in a way that he could see a comparitively very large section of the emotional realm. so he could describle that area better, and even when life did not force him to the edge of that bubble, because he was in such a place as having described and expanded the bubble so much, he was able to speak of different areas in the realm in his music.

Thus the bubble theroy.

So I Was Thinking

This entry isn't about my project. You see, yesterday I was facebook stalking my friend, and I found a link on her wall that another friend posted for a song called "Science and Faith" by The Script. I followed it and I wasn't expecting much, but I LOVE THIS SONG!!! Actually, I just love the band in general, the sound really appeals to me, but its even cooler. As the name implies it's about this guy and his girlfriend discussing the nature of love and science.
The thing I liked best here was that as its been stuck in my head all day, and since I read this article about science and faith, I keep thinking about the "false dichotomy" (thank you The Missing for the term) that this time period has set up between the two. Eventually it will work out. Most people don't have a problem with one or the other, just in an action. People who want to believe in only science don't like that faith puts limitations on what can ethically be done for the sake of experiment. People who don't like science are really just against how science keeps trying to push the exceptable boundaries.
I myself have an issue with the fact that science won't except that there are boundaries on what it can and should do. But I'm not against science. It's actually not uncommon for people to be not only a person of faith but also a person of science.
Example: Gregor Mendal- the father of genetics- also a Catholic priest
In gym as we were playing volleyball, it hit me- "one day will people look back a this time and see us the way that we see the dark ages?"
I think we like to believe that we are living in a time of light and understanding, much like that way that people looked at the world during the last few centuries (like between the -17 hundreds and say... the flight-phones-cars area) like they were living in an era of great advancement and knowledge, an era that they believed was approaching perfection. They were so proud of their times. Now I look back on it and admire the changes that were happening- but I see the flaws. Overall it just seems to me a time period that is strange and dark and wonderful.
In opposition I look back at the dark ages with a kind of sadness. They were learning as best they could, trying to be modern, but they didn't advance. I feel bad for them- for the fact that they thought they were so civilized- that they didn't see the things that were going wrong.
I'm sad to say that though a few generations may see this time period as an era of advancement, I think that many will think of us as a new dark ages, even with all our technology and science. They will se individual greatness, as we do, but in general they will see a century that amazingly were so wrong in trying to organize the world, a century steeped in human arrogance.
It's a bit unnerving to consider, but I don't think they'll see us as much.

Time to make Connections

In truth, I don't just decide to sit down and look for connections between things. I might do that occasionally, or supplementarity, but usually I'm just going along along, thinking about things and then I have a light-bulb moment and think "HAHAHAHA I'VE GOT IT!!!!". This has been a combination for both. Connection between van Gogh and my life were more seamless, while connecting his work to the nature of God was a bit more systematic for me. I started by realizing that's actually what he was painting. Then I put myself into the art, the man's life, and the feeling of it all. It came more easily then. I was choosing pictures and I was thinking how they showed his theory on God. He saw God as wild, something man could never control. He found God in the silence and loneliness of open spaces. He saw the paths laid before his feet and the way that God was like a friend. Even when he was at bad times in his life he found God in the stars- constant even in his inner turmoil. SO far I was with him, but then his life took a turn that I couldn't agree with. Vincent tried to take his own life, and where he was desperate, I have myself found a loving God who will never give me more than I can handle, and makes sure that I have everything that I need. Why else would God create us, or give beauty to existence? Everything that he painted doesn't fit unless there is a loving and merciful God. That's what Vincent painted above everything else even if he couldn't see it himself.

Changing Perspective

So by now I've started researching my area of interest for my first project- Vincent VanGough. I haven't gotten very far, but as I've been looking at what I know about him, and reading about his life, and looking at his art, and reading parts of his letters, and singing the songs about him, I've started to wonder, what if as much as I would like to believe that he created for beauty and about existance, what if that isn't what VanGough was about at all? I can't help looking at it all and seeing something much, much bigger. I think he was looking for the nature of God, and if that is true, then shouldn't I be looking for that explanation when I see it? I started in on this looking for myself and so studying existance, but as much as I am still unsure of myself, I think this could really be a chance for me to relearn the things that I know to be true about God in my life. The more I think about it, the more I know that this is what I will end up doing eventually, but the part that is going to be difficult is tryng to explain the connections between what I know, and what I've studdied and seen. I'm nervous about how people will react, because I know I need to put my all into it- I can't do this otherwise.
I was ranting to my mom about this last night, about how this is finally a chance for me to bring everything together, and I had to admit that I'm scared. I'm scared that I'm going to do something that everyone will reject, something that they won't understand, or something that makes them go "wow, you have wayyyy to much time on your hands you crazy nerd" (there is a look that comunicates this).  See, if I'm gonna do this at all, I need to go all in. It wouldn't be fair to myself or my subject matter otherwise. I'm already off to a good start- I'm doing less procrastinating (this is major progress). The potential demands it, even if that means I don't know exactly what is gonna happen next in this process.
I'm also realizing again why this artist interests me so much. After all I've seen, and after I've looked to the art a million times, it still takes my breath away. I think it's because I see myself in him. I used to joke that it was probably a good thing that there was only one of my, because I didn't know that the workd could handle more than one of us, or even if we could. What I'm starting to realize is that there have been others like myself throughout history and possibly even in the present, nearby. I see something in these people, but there is this block- like a firewall for understanding, because our similarity only goes so far. That doesn't happen so much here though, it's like I can see what he is doing because our minds work the same way. It's a strange, somewhat terrifying thought.