A Drop In The Ocean

Well ladies and gentlemen, in case you haven't heard I made it to California. In other news it is hot here and I don't understand why anywhere should be hot in NOVEMBER. I am a Chicago girl- this is entirely unnatural and I don't believe that I will ever actually get used to it. Ever.

Now on to tonight's ramblings. Lucky you! (Not really, but welcome to my inner thoughts anyway)

I titled the post tonight after a song by Ron Pope: A Drop in the Ocean

The reason is for the refrain:
A drop in the ocean, a change in the weather, I was praying that you and me might end up together
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert, but I'm holding you closer than most
'cause you are my heaven

If you don't already know, I have a very vivid imagination, which can be a terror. But it can also be a thing of great beauty. Tonight there is supposed to be a meteor shower- a million shooting stars right above my head all night long. A million wishes to be made even though I'm supposed to be grown up by now. Forget that for a moment.

It got me thinking about all the wishes I make everyday. Most of the time I won't admit to myself that they are wishes, I can them vague hopes, but they mean the same thing to me.

Mostly I dream for myself a future. A wonderful man to come and take me away to see the world and take risks. A man who really loves me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me and doesn't mind that I dream about having a family and a big dog and converting a random building into a home because then it would be uniquely ours. My own personal price charming walked out of my own personal eden.
I dream of who I will become- a respected film maker- elegant, classy, a woman who radiates identity. The kind of woman who wears perfect red heels, beautifully fitted dresses, and smells on Chanel No 5.
I dream of a life together full of old, forgotten traditions, and warm banter, and sitting with him in the middle of nowhere, wrapped in his arms and showing him the letters I've been writing that now I see were for him. Loving each other perfectly and making our relationship work even though it is nearly impossible.

So yes, I dream strange, impossible dreams. I have a "perfect" life planned in my head. And I know that it will never happen. But I dream anyway, because it gives me something to look forwards to when I'm tired and lonely and afraid because I'm so trapped in my own head that it feels like I will never get out.

I'm a dreamer. I hope one day it gets me somewhere.