Song- Echo by Jason Walker
"I don't count"- Molly from Sherlock
One day, I'm going to find the time, and the place, and the person to tell all my secrets. Everything. and it's going to hurt. Telling secrets does, trying to explain the contents of your heart, what it means to be you, to hurt in only the ways that you can hurt.
You want to know something great about life? There is somewhere, someone who gets it. Someone who can see you, someone who probably "doesn't count" in your life by their own estimation. That person is so important, so beautiful. It is a gift, an amazing GIFT it really be seen by someone, and that should never be underestimated.
Dear beautiful, you who understand,
thank you. thank you for seeing me, even though you have never met me, and never will by all probability. Thank you for explaining when people don't see. They still don't, but I appreciate that you tried, and that you get it. You understand heartbreak, and fear, and detachment. You know death, and hurt, and what real friendship is, and what it means to believe in someone, even when they tell you that you shouldn't. It's wonderful to see that someone else in my vein of explanation can see. One day, I want to shake your hand. All of you.
You are brilliant!!!
Yes, it means that much. My secrets on display for all the world, even though they don't know that they are mine.
Yes my friends, somebody gets it. And they will show the world.
Now we just need to learn to observe.
Tell me your secrets.
Let me tell you mine.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
Spring Break
I am so happy that i finally made it to Spring Break. It didn't solve all my problems, I still procrastinated and so have multiple projects to do tomorrow, but it is so nice to have some time off!!!
I watched and read enough Sherlock that I can now try and write my own (in progress), realized there is series 2 to look forward to at some point, and today I got the stuff to make myself a prom dress. I hadn't seriously planned on making my own dress, but after shopping, and failing, I found a non prom design that i love and am making a prom dress because it's ME. It's classy. It's sophisticated. It's elegant. Everything I wanted. :) Now all I have to do is figure out how to sew it, which hopefully mom mom can teach me how to work with the pattern.
I still need a date- and that's a whole other problem. In a perfect world, I could get the Sherlock form Sherlock (the character actually) to be my date, and we wouldn't be going to prom, just to dinner and then dancing, and he would be closer to my age. But this is not a perfect world, I am only 18, and I don't live in Britain.
Could the boys my age hurry up and get cute already? I mean come ON!!!
College wants a decision, and I don't want to give them one. I want to learn stuff, but really right now I just want to travel. I WANT TO SEE THE WORLD!!! Skip college, I want to be working on my movies already, using the beauty of the world that we live in to spin stories, meet incredible, creative and passionate people, and get on with something interesting. I'm ready to be successful and do important work, and start working on the great plans I have- like making movies, traveling, writing, converting a random building into a house, starting over. LIVE.
I WANT TO LIVE A LIFE BEYOND THE WALLS I MADE FOR MYSELF.
Can I have that life?
Please?
I will try to be patient.
I watched and read enough Sherlock that I can now try and write my own (in progress), realized there is series 2 to look forward to at some point, and today I got the stuff to make myself a prom dress. I hadn't seriously planned on making my own dress, but after shopping, and failing, I found a non prom design that i love and am making a prom dress because it's ME. It's classy. It's sophisticated. It's elegant. Everything I wanted. :) Now all I have to do is figure out how to sew it, which hopefully mom mom can teach me how to work with the pattern.
I still need a date- and that's a whole other problem. In a perfect world, I could get the Sherlock form Sherlock (the character actually) to be my date, and we wouldn't be going to prom, just to dinner and then dancing, and he would be closer to my age. But this is not a perfect world, I am only 18, and I don't live in Britain.
Could the boys my age hurry up and get cute already? I mean come ON!!!
College wants a decision, and I don't want to give them one. I want to learn stuff, but really right now I just want to travel. I WANT TO SEE THE WORLD!!! Skip college, I want to be working on my movies already, using the beauty of the world that we live in to spin stories, meet incredible, creative and passionate people, and get on with something interesting. I'm ready to be successful and do important work, and start working on the great plans I have- like making movies, traveling, writing, converting a random building into a house, starting over. LIVE.
I WANT TO LIVE A LIFE BEYOND THE WALLS I MADE FOR MYSELF.
Can I have that life?
Please?
I will try to be patient.
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Our Song
I was watching Doctor Who videos on YouTube today (and yesterday- but that's beside the point) and I found a bunch of fan videos of clips set to music. My favorites were set to Anyway You Want It and Cable Car. They went so well with each other, telling the story so well, that I started thinking about a what songs and clips would be in my videos with my friends and I. Would they be sad and sweet, or funny? Would they be all music? Or have voice overlays too?
I wish I could show pieces of my heart and soul like YouTube videos. Tell a story in 4 min. Make it deep and soulful. Make someone feel the way a few stupid clips and a good lyric make me feel- like my heart os skipping. Stopping. Being caught in my chest.
I wish it were that easy to pour myself out. I envy people who are emotional sometimes. I feel differently than other people. I don't have a ton of visual responses. I can share positive responses more easily, but I can't share the way i care about people, or when I'm upset unless I'm having an all out breakdown- and even then, if it doesn't seem right to me- I try to suppress it.
Tomorrow I think I'm going to start a new project. I'm going to think about songs for people. I'm going to watch videos in my head, and maybe try to explain them one of these days. That's another day's issue.
I wish I could show pieces of my heart and soul like YouTube videos. Tell a story in 4 min. Make it deep and soulful. Make someone feel the way a few stupid clips and a good lyric make me feel- like my heart os skipping. Stopping. Being caught in my chest.
I wish it were that easy to pour myself out. I envy people who are emotional sometimes. I feel differently than other people. I don't have a ton of visual responses. I can share positive responses more easily, but I can't share the way i care about people, or when I'm upset unless I'm having an all out breakdown- and even then, if it doesn't seem right to me- I try to suppress it.
Tomorrow I think I'm going to start a new project. I'm going to think about songs for people. I'm going to watch videos in my head, and maybe try to explain them one of these days. That's another day's issue.
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